


Rumor and Ruin

by istra_cor



Series: Enamore [6]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Scandal, Zen | Hyun Ryu's Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 06:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10530567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istra_cor/pseuds/istra_cor
Summary: Zen and MC meet and discover their mutual attraction translates to real life. Zen chose to send MC back to Rika's apartment, however the day after their meeting is complicated by Echo Girl's plans for revenge.





	1. Good Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Day 8 of MM Zen route good ending.

My phone rings, waking me. Sunlight is streaming through the window. “Hello?” I murmur, half-awake.

“I called to say good morning! _Bonjour, mademoiselle,”_ a familiar voice says cheerfully.

I smile, eyes still closed. _“Bonjour, monsieur. Ça va?”_

“Um… sorry. I didn’t get that,” Zen says sheepishly.

I giggle. “I asked how you were,” I explain. “That’s about the limit of my French, which is probably at the same level as my Korean.”

He chuckles. “I’ll help you with your Korean. How did I do with the French? Did I pronounce it okay?”

“It’s a lovely way to wake up,” I reply, sitting up. “French is supposed to be the language of love, you know.”

“Of course,” he replies airily. “What are you doing today? I want to know.”

I stifle a yawn, scroll through my email. “I have to work. Party’s four days away. And I’ll probably go for a run. Maybe visit the Samsung d’light exhibit.”

“I see.” he says. “You have to get out of bed and go out into the dangerous world every morning. I hope you still think of me while working.”

“Silly Zenny, of course I will.” As if I could stop dwelling on what he said last night.

“I’m finally taking my cast off today,” he declares.

“So soon, Mr. Mutant?” I ask.

He chuckles. “I’ll feel so free after it’s off… Oh, look at the time! I have to get ready to go to the hospital. Have a good day!”

I throw off the covers and climb the rest of the way out of bed, humming to myself. I log into the chatroom and the screen comes on normally. I try to decide whether it was my imagination that it flickered strangely last night for a few seconds, with green characters that almost look like the Matrix. It looked vaguely familiar, so I told Seven about it, but he didn’t find anything.

I am getting ready for my run when the phone buzzes again. I am popular this morning.

“Good morning, Jo,” I greet.

“Is it, MC?” she asks.

“A little on the disconcerting side, but yeah,” I reply.

Her voice turns suspicious. “What’s disconcerting?”

“So... Zen has been saying since he sent me home last night that--let me read it off the messenger app--‘when I think I can truly protect MC, I will do whatever it takes to make her mine.’”

“Well, that’s promising,” Jo observes.

I decide not to tell her about Zen admitting to Yoosung that he sent me home “because [he] couldn’t control the beast within [him].” “He called me right after I left--mind you, it was close to midnight--and then he had another visitor. Remember that pop star he was going to be on the new show with, Echo Girl? She tried to seduce him, and he turned her down flat. Unfortunately, that probably means he’s off the show.”

Jo chuckles. “I’m almost sorry for Zen. First he sends you away, then he turns down the next girl who’s throwing herself at him. I hope he took a cold shower.”

“Jo!” I exclaim in shock. “Be nice.” I tell her all about my conversation with Zen the night before, about his family, and his conversation with Jumin this morning. I’m relieved that they might even become friends, even though they’re such polar opposites. Zen wears his heart on his sleeve, and Jumin hardly ever shows any emotion. “Jaehee thinks we should keep our relationship on the down-low.”

“Are you, MC? In a relationship now?” Jo asks.

I sigh. “You know I wasn’t looking for this, Jo,” I say. “Sometimes I think it’s too soon after Jim. But before Zen sent me home last night, he took my hand, and for a second I thought he was going to kiss me. And I wanted him to. Does that constitute a relationship? I like him, and he likes me. I think it’s going to take time to figure out what we have.”

“Don’t forget that you’re leaving in six days,” she reminds me.

“Yeah,” I agree. “We’re going to have to sort that out.”

* * *

I am knee-deep in party invitations mid-morning when Zen calls again. “Babe… Echo Girl was just here.”

“What?” is my first reaction. Earlier, she was screaming revenge at Jumin in his office, now she’s at Zen’s. This can’t be good. Then I realize he called me “Babe,” and it makes my heart flutter.

“I just wanted to tell you that Echo Girl was here to see me,” he says.

“Yes, I understand that. What did she want?” I ask.

“She just came to see me. Nothing happened so don’t worry. I’m already yours,” he reassures me.

“That’s not what I meant--” I start. I’m wondering what Echo Girl is up to.

“It’d feel like I was hiding something if another woman came to my house and I don’t tell you about it. I want to be sure about these things...”

“Zen, it’s not like we’re…” I stammer. “You could still see other--”

“Since we’re talking about it, I think both parties have a duty to be honest when in a relationship. Trust is most important, right?”

“Right,” I agree.

“Of course, we have to respect each other’s freedom, but I just don’t want to be negligent. Is there anything you really want me to do?” he asks.

I think on this for a bit. “Calling me every morning is nice,” I say.

“Of course I have to do that,” he says. “That’s not a duty. It’s just as natural as waking up in the morning. Don’t worry, I think about you as soon as I open my eyes.”

I smile, though he’s not there to see me. “You sure know how to pull a girl’s heartstrings, Zenny.”

“I like you, so I naturally want to hear your voice,” he continues. “The moment I think that, my hand’s already reaching for my phone. And then a minute after that, I’m talking to you on the phone like this. Men are this simple.” He air-kisses the phone, which makes me think about the kiss we almost shared last night. “Well, anyways, I told you. Right?”

“Thank you for telling me, Zenny,” I say softly. He really is quite thoughtful.

“Good luck with the rest of your day. Look at my photo when you want to see me…” This makes me giggle, because I’ve received a couple of photos of him since we last saw each other. The selfie he sent makes me sigh like a schoolgirl, as he’s looking at the camera while dressed in a simple white shirt with a Mandarin collar unbuttoned at the throat. Seven texted me the other photo, which is of Zen having a cat allergy attack at their last party when Jumin brought Elizabeth the 3rd. The picture is hilarious, but at the same time I feel sorry for Zen and want to wipe all the snot off. “What’s so funny?” he asks.

“Nothing, nothing,” I say dismissively. I decide I’ll tell him about the snot photo another time.

He harrumphs, but continues. “I’m constantly kissing the photo of you too.”

“Aww…” I think, if you had kissed me then we could be remembering instead of imagining. Though the way things were going, it might have gone much further… I shake my head; I’m not ready for that.

“So don’t have a weird guy or fried chicken as your profile photo. I can’t kiss you then!” This sends me into peals of laughter. I file “fried chicken as profile photo” away in my head for another time.

“Is your cast off?” I ask.

“Not yet,” he replies. “I was on my way out when Echo Girl came, and I wanted to tell you about it before I forgot. I have to get going though.  I’ll have to get through the day thinking of you again. Talk to you soon!”

“Bye!” I hang onto the phone a little longer, then decide to go put on my running shoes.

Trust, he said. Relationships are built on trust. I suppose I’ll have to trust my instincts to see this through.


	2. The Second Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Echo Girl's accusations have exploded all over social media, and Zen is in despair about the repercussions to his acting career. Will MC be able to help him?

I am standing in front of a wall of high-definition TV screens at the exhibition. Zen sent everyone a photo earlier from the hospital, after his cast came off. I wonder belatedly whether I could’ve gone with him. Oh well. I can barely speak the language, much less discuss medical lingo in Korean. (The Korean Medical Licensing Exam is in Korean, with a clinical component. I would have to be a near-native speaker to pass it, I think. Not that I plan to take it anytime soon… though I did in fact look it up.) I suppose we could have also met here afterwards, but I don’t want to appear too clingy.

Jim the tech geek would have totally liked this place: three floors of cutting-edge technology. I am thinking of heading home when I see Echo Girl's image flash on one of the screens with Zen’s photo in an inset, which morphs into a photo of her in front of Zen’s house. What the--? I try to make sense of the audio, and notice others start to gather around. The small crowd of people in front of the TV starts to mutter angrily. I am straining to translate the Korean and can make out Zen’s name and the words sexual… harassment?

Oh no. No no no no no no no.

The screen changes to a photo of Jumin, and rumors of his being… “gei”. Gay?

Echo Girl’s revenge. Damn it.

I make my way out of the growing mob, which is becoming agitated, and try to call Zen. It takes several attempts, but he finally picks up. “Hello?”

“Zen? Are you okay?”

“Oh… hey, MC,” he says, with little enthusiasm.

“Zen? Answer me. I just saw the most horrible thing on television.”

He doesn’t say anything right away. When he finally does, there is defeat in his voice. “Sorry. I don’t think I deserve to hear your voice right now.”

“What? What do you mean? I just want to--”

“Can you… leave me alone for now? I’ll call you after I’ve organized my thoughts,” he says dejectedly. “Sorry… Bye.” He hangs up.

I stare at the phone.

Damn it.

* * *

I make my way back to the apartment. I am frustrated. I can only imagine how Zen must be feeling. All the way home, every single TV in a public area I spotted, from the street to the subway, was tuned to Echo Girl’s story. People watching are quite vocal condemning Zen’s supposed actions. I grit my teeth and clamp down hard on a desire to start arguing with them. My Korean is not great, and the last thing I need is to be arrested for being a crazy disruptive foreigner.

I mash on the button harder than necessary when my phone rings. “Hey kiddo,” Jo says. “Your boyfriend is in the news.”

I don’t bother pointing out that he is, technically, not my boyfriend, though I wince at the fact that Jo already knows about the scandal. She is in another country. If this story has spread that far… “He didn’t do it,” I say flatly. “Echo Girl’s making it up to get back at him and Jumin.”

“I figured,” she replies. “Her story starts to fall to pieces if you think about it. Why would a well-bred girl go to a single man’s house unescorted in the middle of the night?”

“Exactly,” I say. “Unfortunately, she’s much more popular than he is right now, so the media and number of fans are on her side.”

“How is he?” she asks.

I arrive at Rika's, go inside, and plop down onto a chair in despair. “I’m guessing upset, but not sure what else since he’s not talking.” I check the chatroom. “Jo, I should go. He’s online; maybe he’ll talk to me there. I'll call you later.”

Zen is having what appears to be a mild mental breakdown.

 

_MC: Zen… Are you okay?!_

_Zen: MC… I’m so glad you’re here… haha… What am I going to do… haha… What do I do? I can’t even get mad about this. I feel like… the world just ended…_

 

Oh my poor Zenny.

 

_MC: Zen… first try to calm down. Don’t let the media get to you!_

_Zen: Okay… Yeah… I shouldn’t… But… I’m embarrassed to admit this in front of you, but I’m too scared to go outside._

_707: Zen… I don’t really know how to fix this…_

_Zen: I can’t think of anything… Someone, please tell me this is a dream… My house was in the news hahahaha. Just tell me this is a dream! Hahahaha_

 

I wish I could, dear one. I wish I could.

 

_MC: Echo Girl’s the one who did something wrong by lying… Please don’t let it get to you._

_Zen: Thanks for saying that, MC… But I think it’s kind of my fault too._

_MC: I can’t believe they’re using you like this… I’m so mad, but I know this is hardest for you, Zen._

_Zen: I’m so sorry you have to go through this, MC…_

 

He’s sorry for _me?!?_ Why?

 

 _Zen: I really have nothing to say… but for now, thank you so much for being here._  

_707: Gahhhh Echo Girl. My friend Tom loves her. Can’t believe she’s such a scumbag!_

 

Scumbag, right. I can think of a better word, and it rhymes with “rich”.

 

_Zen: Why do I hate myself right now?_

_707: Plz don’t blame urself._

_Zen: I don’t regret sending her back, but I wanted to be on stage with her even with my injured ankle…_

 

I dearly wish he would stop blaming himself.

 

_MC: You did nothing wrong… No actor would have turned down an opportunity like that. You know that._

_707: Just listen to what MC’s saying_

_Zen: … Okay._

_707: It’s A! News. They say things without back-up evidence. I’m sure it’ll be forgotten in the next couple of days._

_Zen: Now if you search my name online, this will be the first thing that pops up._

_707: You can explain what happened._

_Zen: I’m just a lowly actor, who would believe me? Reputation is everything to me… God… I might not ever be able to go up on stage again…_

 

His dream, snuffed out. After all he’s struggled through and achieved. My heart aches for him.

 

_MC: Zen… I think you’re too emotional right now. First… try to calm down, and let’s all try to come up with a solution together._

_707: Yeah! Absolutely right!_

_Zen: … I do think I need some time alone._

_707: Yeah. Zen… I don’t know if this will help, but whatever happens, RFA will always be with you._

_Zen: Okay. Thanks for saying that. I… should go get some rest._

_MC: Tell me if something else happens, okay?_

_Zen: Thanks… The only reason I’m sane right now is because of you, MC… I’ll be off… !_

 

I sigh in frustration and check the time. I’d like to go see Zen, but another woman visiting him at this time of the night is not going to help his case.

Jaehee is worried about Zen too, but has her hands full with phone calls from reporters badgering her with questions about Jumin’s sexuality. Depressingly, she thinks the only way he'll be able to continue acting is if he changes his stage name and tries a different field.

I make dinner and try to decide whether it would be better to get on social media to see if anything has changed, or try to ignore it. After finishing all RFA party matters for the day, I end up not being able to help myself, and get online, looking for signs of support for Zen. I find both of Echo Girl’s victims chatting on the messenger app.

 

_Zen: Do you know that I hate the fact that you can be so calm, Jumin? You didn’t do anything wrong, but I can’t help but hate you… Honestly… I’m jealous that you can be afford to be so confident. I promised I wouldn’t be like this anymore… Damn..._

_MC: You’re just going through a rough time. Go and try to get yourself together._

_Zen: Yeah… I should. I don’t think I’m in my right mind right now. I’ll get going._

_ZEN has left the chatroom._

_Jumin Han: Hmm…_

_MC: You’re worried, right? Me too._

_Jumin Han: I don’t wish to waste my emotions, but I am curious. Is there a need to get so serious? It’s just a rumor._

_MC: Considering Zen’s job, it can be quite damaging. Zen’s dream is to be an actor._

_Jumin Han: I see. So right now… his dream is in jeopardy? I understand now._

 

At least Jumin can afford to ignore the rumors about him, though his ability to suppress emotions about ongoing events and inability to see another’s point of view is a little odd. I can’t tell if: (1) he lives in a bubble because he’s so rich; (2) if he has some type of autism spectrum emotional processing issue; or (3) if he’s actually Vulcan.

Scratch number three; he doesn’t have pointy ears.

My phone rings and I snatch it up. “Zen?”

“Hey... it’s me…” he says forlornly.

“I’m so glad you called! I’ve been very worried about you.” I cradle the phone in my hand.

“MC, I don’t deserve to talk to you--”

“Stop saying that, Zen! You are the wronged party in this.”

He is silent for some time, as if considering what I’ve said. “Well… I thought I at least had to talk to you. I had no idea this would happen… I never imagined… God… I’m so sorry I sound so depressed…”

I wish I could reach through the phone to squeeze his hand. “It’s better than pretending you’re fine. It’s okay.”

“Do you really think so?” he asks. “This is… this is really hard. I have no idea how things got so bad, babe. What went wrong? Trying to hang onto a huge opportunity that didn’t suit me? Was I being too greedy? Was it really that out of my reach? I don’t know. I don’t know anything now.”

“It’s not your fault,” I say. “Just unlucky that Echo Girl turned out to be such a… a... twat.”

He chuckles. “Okay, I’ll think that. Sorry I was so occupied with myself. How are you doing? You can tell me anything right now. You’ve seen me at my most embarrassing.”

Humor? Maybe he’s realized there is light at the end of the tunnel, however distant. “I honestly don’t know what the meaning of life is,” I quip.

This makes him laugh a little. “Babe… you’re so philosophical. It’s nice that you think deeply. It’s just your soul wanting answers. A show I did before dealt with something like this. There are two important days to a person. The day you’re born… and the day you realize why you’re born.”

“Wow,” I say. “That's pretty profound.”

“Let’s search for the second reason together?” he asks, and just like that he’s captured my imagination again, thinking of a future.

“Ah, Zenny,” I reply, “I… think I would like that very much.”

I can hear, though I can’t see, the small smile in his voice. “I’m so glad I called you. I didn’t feel like I could sleep but I think I can now thanks to you. If you can’t sleep, just think of me, okay?”

“Okay.” Thinking of you is not difficult, my lovely Zen.

“Good night, MC,” he says. “Sweet dreams.”


	3. Changed to the Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zen escapes on his motorcycle to the mountains to relieve his stress over Echo Girl's accusations, while MC frets. Jumin Han decides to intervene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on events of day 9 of the MM Zen route good ending.

Despite Zen’s wishes for sweet dreams, I think neither of us have slept well. We were both in the chatroom at four A.M., and I am worried sick, because he is out on a _motorcycle_.

After an hour of tossing in bed, I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I got up. I tried to call him but it went to voicemail. I gnashed my teeth and decided to go on a very early run.

I hope he at least owns a helmet, though that won’t help if he gets thrown off the bike and breaks his neck.

“He’ll be fine, he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine,” I say to myself rhythmically, in time to my feet pounding the pavement.

It doesn’t help that he was in a bad motorcycle accident several years ago, and if not for V taking him to the hospital immediately, would have probably died.

“He’ll be fine, he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine,” I keep chanting.

Not that I blame him for wanting to get away. There are freaking _psychos_ pounding on his apartment door. I wish he had let me call the police.

“He’ll be fine, he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine…”

He rides the bike to feel better when he’s stressed. If _I_ could help him feel better, then maybe he wouldn’t have to ride the bike.

But he didn’t give me a chance. He thinks he doesn’t deserve to see me.

If I were his girlfriend, maybe he wouldn’t feel that way.

If I were ready for a relationship, maybe I could be his girlfriend. And then he wouldn’t be endangering himself on a motorcycle--

Stop it, MC. This is not your fault. He is a grown man and capable of making his own decisions. He has taken care of himself since he was in middle school. If he wants to ride his bike, that’s his business.

Because who am I that he should listen to me? Just some stranger he met nine days ago.

I kick a tree by the path, followed by my fists on its trunk. I am so frustrated, angry and worried. Mostly I want to strangle Echo Girl for putting Zen through this, and then I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.

I stop when the park custodian shoots me a hostile glare, and start running again.

“He’ll be fine, he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine…”

* * *

I am getting out of the shower when my ringtone breaks the silence. I snatch up my phone. “Hello?”

“Babe!” Zen greets. “Slept well?”

My relief is so great that it melts away any anger I was holding onto. “Zen, thank God you’re okay. No, I did not sleep well. Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

“I’m sorry about that,” he apologizes. “I didn’t mean to make you worry. But… the air is really fresh outside today. So fresh I feel like flying away.”

“Zen, where are you right now?” I ask.

“Huh?” He sounds distracted.  “Oh… It’s a place I used to visit often. It’s up in the mountains.”

“I’m glad you’re safe,” I tell him.

He lets out a contented sigh. I am slightly relieved that he seems to be feeling better. “The world looks so small from here. And minutes ago I felt like it was suffocating me. Seeing it from here, it’s just quiet. It makes me realize how I was struggling for something so small… This reminds me of old times. I used to come here when there was trouble. And ride my bike too. I got into an accident once. I’ve tried not to ride after that, so I thought I fixed that habit. But I guess you can’t get rid of it for good. Bad habits are so hard to get rid of.”

“Yeah,” I agree, “they are.” I think about the tree I assaulted in the park earlier.

“I think when things go well, I put all that energy into practice. But when things go wrong, I just run towards a bad path. Which version is the real me? The one swayed by temptations? Or the one who’s so passionate about his work?” he asks.

“They’re just coping mechanisms, Zen,” I answer. “If you don’t get swayed, you’d be a robot. All humans are swayed by temptations. It takes a long time to learn to resist them.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “I wouldn’t feel like this if I was a robot. I have these issues because I’m a person and I can grow because I’m a person. That’s what I want to believe.”

“Maybe…” I hesitate, “Maybe we can grow… together.”

“Everything became clear after talking to you,” he says, with more brightness than he has had since last night. “I still have so many issues to solve, but I’ll cheer up. I’ll work hard so that you can be proud of me. You must have been so shocked this morning. Thanks for not showing it, and comforting me instead. Let’s talk later. I have something to do right now. Have a good day, my love.”

Your… love?!? His words make my heart sing. “Have a good day, Zenny,” I whisper back.

* * *

“A motorcycle--wow,” Jo says, when we’re on the phone later.

“Yeah,” I acknowledge.

“Must be some type of record for you, MC,” she muses. “Smoking, drinking _and_ a motorcycle. Quite a trifecta.”

“ _Please_ don’t get started on me, Jo,” I warn.

“Sorry, sorry,” she apologizes. “Calm down. Now, remember I’ll be incommunicado for the next couple of days,” she reminds me. “I know it’s not the best time. Maybe I should postpone the trip--”

“No,” I interrupt, “you should go have fun with your friends, Jo. You’ve been studying too hard and you need the break. Besides, this way you’ll be back by the time I arrive in Manila.”

“Well, good luck with Zen.”

“‘Kay, thanks. Have a great trip! See you soon.” I hang up and rest my head on my arms, folded before me. What have I gotten tangled up in?

Sometimes, you can’t account for the human heart.

* * *

 Well I’ll be darned.

It’s after lunch. Jumin the corporate executive skipped out on work mid-morning to Jaehee’s chagrin, Zen hasn’t picked up his phone since we talked earlier, and Seven says Jumin has given him the funding to dig up dirt on Echo Girl, apparently after prompting from V.

Jumin said he knows where Zen has gone to. I wonder if he went to see him? I’m a bit surprised Jumin is going so far out of his way for Zen, since the latter has directed so much hostile energy at the former in the past. Though... I guess Zen did extend the olive branch recently. Maybe Jumin’s loyalty to other RFA members has the breadth of Zen’s but lies much deeper from the surface.

It sort of reminds me of bickering siblings. I remember Jo and I used to go at it like cats and dogs. I’m surprised Mom didn’t ground both of us permanently.

My phone rings. I pick up quickly, having waited all day to hear again from Zen.

“It’s me,” a deeper voice says, one belonging to a certain dark-haired corporate executive. “Is it okay to talk?”

“Sure, Jumin,” I reply. “But first, I wanted to thank you for helping Zen.” Today and all those other days you offered in the past. Thank you for not holding a grudge.

He acknowledges this with a low hmm. “I just wanted to mention a couple of things,” Jumin continues. “First, I think it’s difficult for someone to receive positive influence from another person and change. Essentially, human beings value their egos the most.”

“It _can_ be difficult, but not impossible if--” I start.

“Please, let me continue,” Jumin says. I stay silent. “I realized something after seeing Zen today. I realized that another person can change you to the bone. Zen opened up to me not because I offered good suggestions or because I had the upper hand. It was because you changed him to be someone who can listen to what I have to say.”

I think Jumin is probably giving me too much credit. “It was possible because you showed him your sincerity too,” I offer.

“I always was sincere towards Zen,” Jumin says. “Perhaps my way of showing my sincerity didn’t suit him. But that’s not my fault. Each person has their own ways. Thanks to you, Zen’s become a more open person… and was able to accept me. You’ve done something incredible. I hope you remain as a good companion to Zen. Zen always called me a narcissist before he met you…” Zen calling Jumin a narcissist? The pot calling the kettle black? They’re probably more alike than they care to be admit. “To be honest, narcissism may be the result of not having the leisure to love someone else,” Jumin continues. “Well, I’m talking too much. I have to work. I’ll hang up now.”

I stare at my phone in disbelief.

You know, these guys can be pretty weird, but when they put their minds to it and work together for each other, they’re a force to be reckoned with. Heaven help whoever tries to go up against them.

* * *

Zen made an appearance in the chatroom this afternoon, so I know and am very relieved that he is back safely. He’s thanking me for helping get him through this, though I’m not exactly sure what I did that was so awesome.

I snatch the phone up when it rings. “Zen! I’m so glad to hear your voice.”

“Babe,” he says, “I suddenly thought of something I want to tell you. I…” He sounds a little hesitant, and I wonder what he’s trying to say. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with my feelings… They’ve completely enveloped me. If I get through this, I’m going to officially ask you to be my girlfriend.”

Gulp. I am floored. And speechless.

He continues. “You don’t need to think about it now. I don’t need to hear an answer right now… I’m just telling you because you should have some time to think seriously about me. I’m really proactive, aren’t I?... Um, I’m not saying this because I think it’ll help you answer,” he chuckles nervously, “but, um and I really don’t think it will, but I can make a pretty good husband.”

Husband? Gaaah!

“I tell you where I am all the time, I’m good looking, I’m nice, and I do what I’m told. I’m a workaholic so I’ll never drink with my friends until late and come home late. Besides, I’m incredibly romantic when we are alone… Hmm, I’m nervous that you’re not saying anything.” I think he finally noticed. “Is it too early for this?”  

It takes a few seconds for me to recover my wits. “That sounds like a great husband,” I remark. “You maybe want to get married, first?” Two can play this game.

“Oh… Uhm… yeah!” Ha, got him! “Gahhh… Why are you doing this to me?”

“What, turnaround isn’t fair play?” I challenge.

He chuckles. “If you’re with me, we’d be a perfect family… and our baby will be so cute.” Baby? Yikes! I think my insides are melting. “You’ll think it’s too early for this too but to be honest… I’ve already imagined our baby after seeing your face yesterday. Oh, of course I imagined getting married and living with you first, hahaha!’

“That’s quite an imagination you have, Mr. Ryu,” I observe, trying to stay cool, though inside I'm gushing and squealing. He wants to marry me!?!

“My whole body is covered in dust from the bike ride,” he says. “I’ll go shower.” Trying not let my my mind run wild with images of Zen… his body… in the shower… I am failing miserably here.  “I want to keep talking to you while showering but if my phone gets wet, then I won’t be able to talk to you… I should get one of those waterproof cases.”

“Sounds good,” I manage to say. My voice comes out like a squeak.

I think he knows he’s got me. His voice lowers. “It’ll feel really different to talk to you on the phone while relaxing in a hot tub…” My imagination is on fire, and so is something deep within my belly. “Babe, did you wash yet? If you haven’t, want to wash together?”

My tongue is all tied up in knots. “Oh… I… ah… uh…” Damn it, twenty years of schooling and my vocabulary is reduced to vowel sounds!

“Haha… I wanted to say this,” he chuckles. “Don’t be so shy and rest up, my love. I’ll call you again.”

* * *

_To: Dr. Anne Cooper (programdirector@brookdalehospital.org)_

_From: Dr. Mara Claire Valle-Scott (dr.mc.valle@email.com)_

_Dear Dr. Cooper,_

_I wanted to check in to let you know that my time away from the residency program has been very helpful. Thank you, again, for allowing me this leave of absence, as I know this creates stress and additional work for my co-residents, yourself, and the rest of the faculty._

_To be honest, when I left, I didn’t know whether I would be returning. After my husband’s death, it was very difficult for me to continue working, seeing patients and advising them about their illnesses and treatment._

_I write to you with a renewed sense of vigor and optimism, and look forward to resuming my place in the program on my return._

_Thank you very much._

_Sincerely,_

_MC Valle-Scott_

 

I reread my email to make sure it says what I want it to, before hitting send.

Mom and Jo will be thrilled. So will Kate, my best friend in the program, and her husband Matt, who was Jim’s buddy. The other residents will at least be happy to have me back so I can pull my fair share of the load.

For the first time in months, I know I can do this. I can go back to living.

* * *

I am so glad to see Zen and Jumin getting along. Zen’s decided to model for Jumin’s cat food line! I may have yet to intervene and raid the local pharmacy for every type of allergy medication they have.

I need to tell him I have that photo though.

I am brushing my hair and getting ready for bed, humming contentedly when the phone rings again. “Hello?”

“My love…” Zen’s voice says. I smile dreamily. “You’re still awake. I just wanted to hear your voice before I go to bed.”

“Works for me," I return, "since I get to hear your voice too,” 

“Well, I need to cleanse my hearing after what Jumin said,” he says in mild disgust.

“Why?” I ask curiously. “What did he say?”

“He said that I had to wear cat ears and go ‘Meow~ be my owner~ meow,’ or something like that in the commercial,” he seethes. I start to laugh out loud. “How can he call me with such a ridiculous proposal?! I mean--does he think he can do whatever he wants with me?!”

Actually, Zen, I’m the one who wants to have my way with you, I think. Aloud, I say, “I think your coloring would be very suitable to play a cat, truthfully.” I have a picture in my head of Zen in a white fur-trimmed leather outfit accented by cat ears, complimenting his silver hair and rose-colored eyes. “Have you ever thought about auditioning for _Cats_ on Broadway? You’d make a great Rum Tum Tugger, his character is such a flirt--”

“MC!” he protests. “I’m worried my allergy will act up when I wear cat ears.”

“They’ll probably be made out of something synthetic, Zen, not real cat hair.” I start wondering if his allergies are worsened by a psychogenic component.

He snorts in disgust. “God… my nose feels itchy already. That guy must not understand how bad my allergies are. Is he stupid?”

“I’ll help you with your allergies,” I offer. “Besides, I think it’s nice to hear you meow--”

“What? You want me to meow? Is that what you like?” he asks.

“Well,” I explain, “cats _are_ soft and good to cuddle with… if you’re not severely allergic, that is.”

“I see…” he says. “Well, I won’t do it on TV, but I will just for you.” He starts mewling like a kitten. It’s so adorable that it makes me giggle. “A… ah-choo!” he sneezes violently. I burst out laughing. “God… This feels so good to be able to talk to you about this,” he says, when he recovers. “You gave me so much courage, MC. People whom I thought would never reach out to me did… I had no idea my life would become so bright thanks to you.”

“Oh, Zenny, I wish I could explain how much you’ve helped me too,” I tell him.

“My instincts told me you were a good person when you first showed up,” he continues, “but I never knew you’d reach so deep into my heart.”

“I didn’t know you would, either,” I say softly.

“But at least now we know, right?” he asks. “You mean so much to me. Do you know that?”

I nod, even though I’m alone. “I do,” I answer.

“You know, I never understood couples holding onto their phones all night and talking, but now I know. That’s exactly what I’m doing. The first thing I wanted to do when things started to quiet down was hear your voice. I… want to hear your voice for the rest of my life.”

His confession resonates inside me, and a dying spark ignites brightly into a flame. “Oh Zenny,” I sigh.

“Oh, look at the time!” Zen exclaims. “I don’t want to keep you up this late. You have to sleep.” His voice softens. “It’s so sad I can’t see you, but I’ll endure it. You have to be in my dreams tonight, alright? I’ll be waiting, so you have to come…”

“Okay,” I say. “Goodnight, dear Zen.”

“Goodnight, my love.”


End file.
